Miracles are rare anomalies that happen to a select few. The very definition of miracle is “an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or naturalpowers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.”
I feel like this word gets tossed around A LOT.
So, because good shit happens to people, instead of saying “MAN…i just had some GOOD SHIT happen to me!” people will substitute “some GOOD SHIT” with “A MIRACLE”.
This is neither "Good Shit" or a "Miracle"
Don’t even get me started on birth being a “Miracle” either, when it happens literally BILLIONS of times a day throughout over a MILLION different species.
Dawwww...CUTE!
Unless you don’t have any kind of internal organs and you end up having triplets or something. Then not only did you witness a miracle first hand…you’ve got your hands fucking FULL.
See the joke here is that they are empty soulless creatures who had kids!
Speaking of babies: True Story…(maybe)
When my mom found me behind that dumpster eating left over scraps of meat from the carcass of a dead bear I had freshly killed as an infant (takes deep breath from describing stuff) she thought...“this child is special, I think ill take him home, raise him, clothe him, and feed him something other than dead bear carcass.”
It was a well intentioned thought, but she would soon learn that Wildlings are exactly what their name describes them as. Because i was definitely 80% Wild and 20% Lings. (still haven’t exactly figured out what that other 20% actually does.
From the very beginning I was a terrible force. If I could get into something...I was in it. If I could do something...I would do it. If i could hurt myself doing something stupid...I did it. There is a reason you don't take wild animals home to raise them.
Whose idea was this...because its AWESOME
It seems like it was only yesterday when Six year old me flew over my handle bars while trying to pop a wheelie on a speed bump, sending a rock straight through my gums. Then, giggling my ass off when the blood gushing from my mouth coughed its way all over your clothes. You freaked out...I laughed.
(Side note: if you've never had stitches in your mouth I highly recommend them! They are Delicious!) But, blood gushing or not, you still always managed to calm me down with our game of who can be the first to say "I love you more than you do haha hehe hoho". And according to my stats I was a winner 100% of the time.
As I got older my personality spun around like one of those things in the movie Twister - A Tasmanian Devil. I was stuck between a kid who wanted to imitate every cartoon he saw, to a kid who wanted to imitate every friend he had. This made it hard on you and dad because between a never ending flow of silliness, there was a monster who just HAD to prove he was some kind of bad ass. There wasn't much middle ground.
(Side note: if you've never had stitches in your mouth I highly recommend them! They are Delicious!) But, blood gushing or not, you still always managed to calm me down with our game of who can be the first to say "I love you more than you do haha hehe hoho". And according to my stats I was a winner 100% of the time.
I'm also a horrible stat keeper, so give or take about 50%
As I got older my personality spun around like one of those things in the movie Twister - A Tasmanian Devil. I was stuck between a kid who wanted to imitate every cartoon he saw, to a kid who wanted to imitate every friend he had. This made it hard on you and dad because between a never ending flow of silliness, there was a monster who just HAD to prove he was some kind of bad ass. There wasn't much middle ground.
Kids...if you're reading this (although I kind of hope not), never try to be someone who thinks they are more bad ass than you actually are. If you have the balls to straight up call your parents "Fucking Bitches" then here are a few things that are going to happen to you.
1. Your parents are going to tag team beat your ass like The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin back in the glory days of 1998
2. You might think about running away, but you will soon realize that being alone and away from the people who actually care about you is not all the songs and tales that the train hopping hobo on the Simpsons made it seem to be.
3. You will actually hurt the people who love you the most and who do EVERYTHING for you. You will regret it for the rest of your life.
It took me at least 18 years to realize what y'all did for me, and that it was never an option for the two of you to give up. Im glad I was found by people who were as stubborn, tough, and patient as I actually turned out to be. It took that and more to even attempt to raise me.
1. Your parents are going to tag team beat your ass like The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin back in the glory days of 1998
2. You might think about running away, but you will soon realize that being alone and away from the people who actually care about you is not all the songs and tales that the train hopping hobo on the Simpsons made it seem to be.
3. You will actually hurt the people who love you the most and who do EVERYTHING for you. You will regret it for the rest of your life.
It took me at least 18 years to realize what y'all did for me, and that it was never an option for the two of you to give up. Im glad I was found by people who were as stubborn, tough, and patient as I actually turned out to be. It took that and more to even attempt to raise me.
Parenting is hard as fuck…but I’m first hand witness to the power that a persons love can have on one persons life. Right now I'm at the age where most of my friends are becoming parents, so I would like to go against every aching notion in my being and do something I will never do again...give advice on raising your children. Even though most of you would probably say "What does he know? He doesn't have kids and he can barely manage to take care of himself!" (thanks for pointing that out...jerk) Well I know this...Love your Children and all of their flaws. Your children are going to be fucking nightmares, shit talkers, head strong, always think they're right little assholes, and theres nothing you can do about it.
But you were no different.
Every being on this planet is different and your kids are NOT going to turn out exactly like you, or the way you want them too. They won't even grow up in the same time as you so they will NEVER have the same experiences that molded you into...well...you. BUT, as long as you react to their destructive or inconsiderate behavior with love, they will slowly learn by example.
Above all...this is the most important job of a Mother.
But you were no different.
Every being on this planet is different and your kids are NOT going to turn out exactly like you, or the way you want them too. They won't even grow up in the same time as you so they will NEVER have the same experiences that molded you into...well...you. BUT, as long as you react to their destructive or inconsiderate behavior with love, they will slowly learn by example.
Above all...this is the most important job of a Mother.
So...to the mother who decided to put up with a rabid and malfunctioning creature, who by some MIRACLE she helped turn into what I would hope is actually a good Human Being, I just want you to know that you are that “SOME GOOD SHIT” that happened to me throughout my entire life.
I made this!
I Love You More Than You Do HaHa HeHe HoHo
No comments:
Post a Comment